Valentine’s Day

Well, its Valentine’s Day, that special day where red hearts and pink cards can be seen everywhere you go (even in Warcraft), where everyone is encourages to exchange gifts with the love of their lives.  A great day if you’re currently involved with someone, to be sure.

I remember a time, not so long ago, when Valentine’s Day wasn’t exactly the happiest time of the year for me.  The first couple of decades in my life weren’t exactly filled with amore… no no no, quite the contrary.  Those are stories for a later date, very likely chapters of the Legend.

During that time, I would lament my loneliness, wondering why my prize was loneliness while some pretty lousy people I knew had girlfriends.  Pretty much your basic overdramatic angsty stuff.  I had a Valentine ritual during that time, enacted for two or three years.

I used to live by a large plot of undeveloped land, covered in trees and tall grass.  And not too far in was a little clearing, where I would sometimes go at night when I needed to think or brainstorm ideas.  Occasionally, I would also carry one of my swords out there (concealed neatly under my long coat) and practice with it, oftentimes getting a brilliant new idea for a story in the process.  That clearing was a wellspring for my creativity.

On Valentine’s Day, usually just before midnight, I would go to this clearing to think.  I would walk about in the chill February air, thinking of stories to write or practicing, whatever I could to get my mind off the fact that it was Valentine’s Day again.  After than I’d drink whatever form of alchohol I had in the house and watch some anime, usually something violent.

I’m sure part of my depression in that part of my life wasn’t just the state of my love life, but a combination of that and my professional and personal lives.  I lived at home, had a job I hated, with no chance of moving upward, and a father whom I couldn’t go more than a couple minutes without angering.  This was usually my fault for not getting chores done in a timely manner.  This is very likely why the Valentine’s Day after I landed the job at ADC (after breaking into IT, before dating Zai) I didn’t even think about it.

Well, that about wraps it up.  And trying not to sound sappy (and likely failing utterly), happy Valentine’s Day, Zai.

Zel-kun out.