Zel-kun’s Words

I had completely forgotten about this until last night as I lie awake in bed (as I sometimes do), but there was a time I went to Amish lands.  Not only that, but I went there when I was working for Wal-Mart.

I was working in Electronics one day probably one of my last days there before being transferred to a cashier’s position.  By my calculations, this was September of 2003.  I was driving an Oldsmobile Cutlass, and was about to start my third year of college.  I had loads of debt, and a Compaq computer that broke on a daily basis, and I couldn’t fix.

Life was grand.

The store manager asked if I wanted to volunteer for a store remodel, with a high probability of overtime (That’s $10 an hour, oh rapture!).  As broke as I was, I leapt at the chance, especially since they’d pay mileage to and from the location, and put me up in a hotel.  It was a chance to get out from under my father’s roof for a couple days, some semblance of independence.  So they gave me directions and told me to leave that night.

I gassed up the car, packed some clothes, and set off.  It was near South Bend, a few hours drive, and it stormed most of the way.  When I left the expressway, I descended into total darkness.  Unknown to me, the entire region had suffered a massive blackout.  So, as I drove down what I thought was a country road, I nearly collided with another car.

I was going sixty miles an hour, and I look to my right in just enough time to see another car barreling towards me.  We both slam on our brakes and swerve, spinning around and nearly hitting opposite corners of what I can now see is a large intersection.  When I focus into the headlight beam I can see I’m actually in the downtown area of some nameless town, a line of dead traffic lights suspended above me (its important to note that outside of the headlight beams, nothing is visible, its pitch black out).  The other car drives slowly off, seemingly as shocked as I was.  I finally resume my trip, with a lot more caution.

Finally, at almost 10:00pm exactly, I pull up in front of the foreign Wal-Mart, and meet the rest of the crew standing in front of the building, awaiting instructions.  We are divided into several smaller groups, and given whatever tasks.  I honestly don’t remember most of the work, but it wasn’t particularly bad.  Building some shelves, stacking shelves, hooking wheels onto shelves for transport, lots of shelves, really.

It was strange that while I was working, I spot an Amish couple walking by.  They were wearing Amish clothes, the man in his hat and the woman in her bonnet.  It was oddly surreal to see them against the backdrop of bright blue signage proclaiming low prices for electronics.

Lunch is half an hour long, being as there’s no real point for a longer lunch.  There’s nothing around the store that’s open at night, so our lunch is whatever we could pick out at the food section.  My lunch was vanilla pudding and chocolate milk.  In hindsight, it wasn’t the smartest lunch choice I’ve made.  I was queasy the rest of the night.

Finally, at 9:00 in the morning, it is time to go to our hotel.  The large group stands there at the front desk, asking for the rooms Wal-Mart has booked.

Guess what?

Wal-Mart never booked the rooms.

So here we are all standing in the lobby while one of us calls up some representative of Wal-Mart to ask them why the hell we don’t have rooms.  I have been awake since 7:00am yesterday and have worked a total of seventeen hours.  And now there’s the possibility I don’t have a place to sleep.  Nice.  Way to go, Wal-Mart.

So after about forty minutes, things get cleared up and we get rooms, anywhere from two to four people a room.  I was lucky enough to only have to bunk with one other person.  And also lucky that he spent most of his time out drinking.  I passed out on the twin bed and woke up with enough time to get back to work.

While walking to the store, I see a few horse and carriages go by, and see them parked in the parking lots like cars, the horses carelessly crapping away as they stood.  Some carriages were in front of Subway, which seemed very strange to me.  The thought of an Amish man eating a Chicken Bacon Ranch sub makes me laugh.

I took a glimpse inside one of the carriages, and saw a plastic cup-holder with a half-full bottle of Pepsi.  The thought of an Amish man raising a bottle of Pepsi to his lips is even funnier.

Not that I have anything against the Amish, its just a funny thought is all.

The thought that I felt I needed a CYA remark against people who would likely never read a page on the internet makes me laugh.

This continued for a week, and finally it was the weekend, and we were to go home for a couple days.  After getting home, I was exhausted.  I felt like I hadn’t stopped working for a week.  I called the store manager and lied, saying my car was giving me troubles, and I didn’t feel comfortable taking it out for another long drive.  I did not return to Amish Country.

On the plus side, between the travel money and the overtime, I made about a month’s pay in a week, so that’s a good thing.

Zel-kun out.