Zel-kun’s Words

So my dad bought me an air conditioner last week as a housewarming present.  I am grateful for this, heat is a longtime enemy of mine.

He bought it at the Home Depot not far from the apartment, and we hauled it up the stairs.  It wasn’t easy, but it was up there, and situated in the window.  We began the mounting process when we realize something: There are no instructions.

Now we, being the manly men we are, begin mounting it without the instructions, which proves to be difficult and time-consuming.  While doing this, the assembled women (we should never have allowed them to group up) observe that the air conditioner should also have come with a remote.

Coupled with the instructions, that was the breaking point for my dad, who then decided to go back to the Depot and request the missing pieces.

Now, I’ve done this before, at different Home Depots.  You bring the receipt and tell them that a part to the large device you’re building at home is missing.  The open a new box, fetch the part, and apologize for the inconvenience.  This was not the case this time.

My father was told to bring the air conditioner back so they can exchange it with a new one of the same model.  After arguing for several minutes that he’d have to un-mount it, re-box it, and haul it down a flight of stairs, the MANAGER replied with this golden line, “Sometimes the bee’s like that, dog.”

Now, I wasn’t there at this time, but I know this phrase because my dad repeated it again and again.  He decides we’ll return the air conditioner and take our business elsewhere.  And I agree with him on that point.  Same amount of work… but it IS a matter of principle.

So I am in charge of the return.  I unload it from my truck, and wheel it in the front door, where I’m greeted by a pleasant dark-skinned woman, “Right over there!”  She points right behind me.

I look behind me, and see a large plaster wall.  I look back at her, and she continues to point.  I see right above my head is a sign that says ‘Returns,’ but there’s nothing here but a wall.  I take a step forward so that she may elaborate on the definition of ‘over there,’ when she yells, “Right where you were, just behind you.”

Like a fool, I look behind me… and see the same wall.  It was an amazing wall… some shade of white or something.  But it was not a return desk, regardless of the sign over my head.

“You have to go outside and come back around!”

So I walk outside and see the other door, which does, in fact, lead to a return desk.  So I suppose that sign was for superman, who can use his X-Ray vision to see through the wall.

Nice.

I returned the air conditioner and left, hoping never to go there again.  That place hired very unprofessional people.

Zel-kun out.

Okay, well not really.  But I DID guest star in Perrero’s Q&A this week:

http://pererro.blogspot.com/search/label/Zel-Kun

I can’t seem to find the permalink for posts, but this will bring you to my article, and also the other occasions where I was mentioned in the world of Perrero below it.

Why did I answer the questions?  Not sure, just felt like doing it.  I like Perrero, its the closest thing I have to an internet community.  Other than that, I tend to lurk at forums rather than post.

I was talking to Dave, one of the pushing forces behind Perrero, and I gave him this little sheet of the Q&A, and he, in all his wisdom, offered me a position as one of the posters there.

Truth be told, I’m flattered as hell.

I had to politely turn him down, at least for the time being, I just don’t feel I have enough material for two blogs.  I don’t want to be someone who posts just for the sake of posting.  If I write something, I should SAY something.

I think a lot of weblog authors could take a point from that.

In further Perrero-related news (who am I, the Perrero Reporter now?), Dave is up for a new job at some tech recruiting company!  Head on over to Perrero and show him your support!

Think I said Perrero enough?

Perrero.

Zel-kun Per… *ahem* Zel-kun out.

So, anyway, I’m at work, doing work (a stretch, I know, but stay with me).  I get a message from a user I tried calling monday, who is finally ready for me to work on her machine.  Great.

She needs the drivers for an aircard installed.  For those that don’t know, an aircard is a device to connect to a mobile broadband network.  Ideally, it allows a user to connect to the internet anywhere.

So, the user comes in, brings me the laptop and aircard, and leaves.  A few moments later, a co-worker of mine comes in and asks about the aircard.  She then tells me that when she was walking down the hall and heard the user say, “I bet he installs the wrong card.”

Excuse me?

I should install the wrong thing just to spite her.  “Here you go, a brand new install of Windows 98.”

Go figure.

Zel-kun out.

So, I haven’t posted in a few days, leaving with no less than a hundred spam comments in the ol’ moderation queue.  Apparently moderation is a foreign word to the spammers.

Being that they’re likely foreign… I suppose that makes sense.

Anyhow, on with the show…

pukin@sucks.net

Well, can’t argue with that.  I must commend you for feeling so strongly about pukin’ that you have made it your email address.  I’m hoping one day to receive spam from pukin@rules.com so I can have the complete set.

cubic zirconia exfoliators

You know, I’ve seen a lot of exfoliators (thanks to Zai): Apricot pits, lava stone, sand, anything to grind the dirt right out of your skin.  One thing I never thought to use were cubic zirconias.  I think this is because a cubic zirconia is essentially glass, and the thought of rubbing ground glass into my face doesn’t seem particularly safe.  I imagine it WOULD get the dirt out of your skin, because it would slice your face clean off.

The body of a spam: The office was established in 1587 and was abolished by Pope…

Wow, who knew that offices had such a history!  Founded in 1587, and abolished by the pope the very same year!  It must mean that the office I work in now is not sanctioned by the pope.

Somehow, I’ll learn to terms with that.

Las Vegas Home Pandas

See, I never felt like going to Vegas.  Gambling, heat, expensive food and shows… not really my thing.  But now that I know they have Home Pandas, my outlook has changed!  Imagine, a Panda sitting in your home, ready to cater to your every whim, cooking, cleaning, eating those annoying people that try to give me religious pamphlets.  I may need to go there and get one.

Child Shoes

I’m not sure what to say about this one.  I just find it funny that the thought of children’s shoes makes this person unhappy.  Probably the same kid-hating person that buys children Polly Payroll toys.

Ghost in the Shell Phoenix

Somehow, a series of Ghost in the Shell set in Phoenix, Arizona doesn’t seem like the best idea.  I mean, its as dumb as rapping samurai… wait, they did that.  Hey, maybe it’ll work then, people are dumb enough.

Well, that’s all for now.

Zel-kun out.

Spent the last couple of weeks packing things bit by bit.  Searching for boxes, and filling those boxes, slowly digging myself out of my room.  Its a strange feeling to look at a wall that once held a DVD collection, and seeing nothing.

The apartment is looking okay.  I managed to score a free refrigerator and stove from a friend of my mother’s.  With that, there aren’t too many more things I have to do.  We’re going to be moving them over this weekend, and probably finishing up the floors.  By week’s end, the only thing in my room should be my bed, computer, and television.  It’ll definitely be a strange feeling.

I plan on selling some things once I move in, pretty much anything I don’t really have room for, or don’t really have a reason to keep.  Thinking that will amount to old magazines and video games.  With the exclusion of my copy of Chrono Trigger, you’ll have to pry that from me.  But the rest… I have ROM’s, which are less cumbersome.  Not to mention I can get much better translated RPG’s than the American releases.

Anyhow, still hope to be fully moved in by the end of June.  A deadline that’s fast approaching.  I drove directly to the new apartment from work a couple of times.  The commute seems to be between 50 minutes and 80 minutes, a little longer than my 30-60 that I’m used to, but I get a nice view of downtown, at least.

Still on the hunt for quicker alternate routes.

Zel-kun out.

On saturday, I spent the day pulling up carpet nails and staples in the new apartment.  The floor doesn’t look too bad.  After a good polishing and and area rug, it’ll probably look pretty good.  It took all day, but a room full of nailboards, nails, and 261 staples have been pried up from the floor.

And yes, I counted them as I pulled them up.  Not sure why.

Halfway through I stabbed my hand on one of the nailboards, had to walk all the way back to Zai’s house to get some hydrogen peroxide.  It was a small cut, but these are old dirty nails, I wasn’t taking any chances.

Afterwards, as I sat in the reletive coolness of her living room exchanging a broken conversation with her father (he speaks english like I speak spanish, we both make valiant attempts at communication), Zai decided we were going to the street fair.

I had been listening to the street fair all day long, it is on the street the apartment is on.  Throughout the day I could hear a strange mix of modern and classical spanish music.  Some of the classical stuff was pretty good, made me think of the Mediterrainian.

So we went to the fair, which was overcrowded and loud.  The sun was blazing overhead and there was a strange techno-ish spanish music blaring nearby, which rattled my eardrums.  Then I saw it.  A kid walking past carrying a pineapple.  But not just any pineapple.  It was a pineapple which had been hollowed out, filled with pineapple-coconut smoothie, and the rim covered with pineapple slices and cherries.  I had to have one.

We made our way to the pineapple guy, who, as I understand, in spanish his name is one letter off from pineapple, and ordered one.  I had it and it was so bizzare to hold it in my hands, like I was in an old cartoon set in the tropics.  I say this because I seem to remember Goofy (my all-time favorite Disney character), in a deck chair with something identical to what I was holding.

It was delicious.

So much so that I finished it up and walked back and had it refilled.  Yep, for less than half the price of the original, they’ll refill the pineaple and re-adorn it with all the fruit.  I’m pretty sure that if I had the money, I could live off those things.

I picked up a chicken torta and some elote for dinner.  The elote (a corn, cheese, butter, and chili dish) was delicious as always.  The torta was made with grade F meat and not all that great, I kept having to pull small bones out of my mouth.  The bread was coated in a chili sauce and was actually pretty good, though.

So, the day ended with me being extremely sore from the work, but absolutely worth it for the pineapple thingy.

Zel-kun out.

Pete said I had venom towards PH.  This is true.  Zai sent me an article from the Sun-Times which has a little blurb which summarize my feelings towards her quite nicely:

‘…for most sentient adults Hilton personifies the decadence of our cultural moment. With her nightclub brawls, her endless sexcapades, her vapid interviews, her rodentlike dog and her lack of ostensible talent, she reeks of every vice ever ascribed to our poor country. She has become a synonym for American materialism, bad manners, greed, “like” and “whatever” Valley Girl inarticulateness, parochialism, arrogance, promiscuity, antifeminism, exposed roots and navels, entitlement, cell-phone addiction, anorexia and bulimia, predilection for gas-guzzling private transportation, pornified womanhood, exhibitionism, narcissism…’

I have nothing to add, the writer (Kay S. Hymowitz) has summed it up nicely.

Zel-kun out.

In what is quickly becoming a regular thing on this site, let me share with you the latest oddities in my moderation queue.

Love Spells Phot Video

I wasn’t sure what to think when I read this.  Sure, we all want to buy the latest love spells, but what’s a ‘phot video?’  I did some research and looks like Phot is used as a shorter version of ‘Photo.’  Alright… I guess saving one letter is important.  So this is a video collage of several photos of love spells in action!  Now that sounds interesting.  Perfect for browsing for the perfect love spell for you!

Green Tea Caroline

That reminds me of a stage show I saw last time I was in Tokyo.  My friend Hajime took me to this sleazy bar in the bad part of town, where this girl put green tea in her…. *ahem* and shot it into the audience…. They never did find Hajime’s body.

Regedit Redneck

First off, I love alliteration.  Secondly, I love the idea of a guy named Cletus going, “Ayup, you just change the value of ‘dem key’s in H-Key-Current-Users, and you’s be fixed up fo sho.”

Inkjet Cartridge Popcorn

Popcorn cooked in inkjet cartridges?  Popcorn somehow made to look like inkjet cartidges?  Or stranger still, popcorn made to ACT like ink cartridges.

Polly Payroll

You all remember the toy of yesteryear, Polly Pocket?  A tiny little magnetic girl living in her tiny little magnetic playhouse?  Well now Polly has grown up and gotten herself a job in accounts payable!  She comes with the office playset with her own magnetic cubicle and inspirational poster telling her to ‘Hang in There, Baby.’  You and Polly Payroll are sure to have lots of fun for the rest of her monotonous corporate life!

Zel-kun out.

So, I’m driving to work today, and I’m listening to the radio.  And I hear some news that manages to make me a little angry.  You see, if there’s one thing I hate, its leeches of society, if there’s one thing I hate more than that, its FAMOUS leeches of society.

Today’s Leech: Paris Hilton

I could describe all the ways I dislike this person, but that would take far too long.  But if you hadn’t heard it, the situation is this:

1. She drinks THEN drives underage, and gets her license suspended.

2. Like the ditz she is, she drives on that suspended license.

3. She is then prosecuted and has to spend some time in jail.  To which her, her parents, and her fans moan incessantly about.

You broke the law because you’re an idiot, shut up and go to jail just like everyone else.

But apparently, some people are too good for jail.  Too rich, and too famous.  After two days, she’s released.  Some of the reasons given on the radio?

Her cell was too cold.  She was depressed and crying at night.

What?  Jail is uncomfortable and unpleasant?  I had no idea!  Well, its a good thing that fame and fortune are enough to buy justice in this country.

I know people that were given years in jail for DUI and/or driving on suspended licenses.  But they’re common and poor.  So they don’t matter.

Zel-kun out.

So, I log into my computer, and check out the moderation queue.  And I must say that spam is getting funnier and funnier.  So much like last week, here are some choice phrases.

Nympho Work

Really?  Finally positions are available for the poor and downtrodden nymphos?  Well my hats off to you, finally the nymphos are getting the employment they deserve.  My hope is that its in a varied line of work, rather than the work I normally see nymphos do.

Barely Choking

So… you’re barely choking.  Now, stop me if I’m wrong, but isn’t ANY amount of choking too much?  I mean, you still end up dead.  “So, you’re choking, but you don’t seem to REALLY be choking, you’re just barely choking.  See, your face is barely turning blue, and you’re barely flailing about.”

Raid Pony Tail 17

Ahh, another installment of the little-known indie cult classic, Raid Pony Tail.  Its the story of a girl who drinks a hair tonic that makes her hair grow at such an alarming rate, that it fully engulfs Los Angeles.  A group of stalwart heroes take up arms and fight in the catacombs that the hair-covered city has become.

Steak Laura Bush 3

Another series of indie films, though significantly less popular.  It is a documentary on the time-honored practice of ‘Steaking’, where a group of people hurl handfuls of chopped steak at a famous person, in this case, Laura Bush.  The film’s biggest critics decry that it is wasting food, and others are pressuring the filmakers to switch to a tofu-based steak substitute.

I’m sure there will be more to come, as the spammers show no sign of slowing their torrent.

Zel-kun out.