Zel-kun’s Words

I went to employee orientation today, and I must say, it was pretty boring.  It was the first orientation I’ve been to since I worked at Wal-Mart, and I am astounded by the striking similarities and differences.

Setting:

Wal-Mart: A dingy back office with folding chairs and dirty folding tables.

Sentinel Technologies: A conference room with plush high-backed chairs and a humongous wooden table.

Administrator:

WM: An older woman who runs through a routine she’s done a thousand times before.

ST: An oder woman who runs through a routine she’s done a thousand times before.

Content:

WM:  Corporate presentation about the company history and policies, break with a tour, then return to discuss benefits. We’re handed giant packets of information we’ll probably never use, and we’re given the standard legal forms.
ST: Corporate presentation about the company history and policies, break with a tour, then return to discuss benefits. We’re handed giant packets of information we’ll probably never use, and we’re given the standard legal forms.

Presentation:

WM: We watch an old VHS movie about the company.

ST: One word: Powerpoint.  *shudder*

Conclusion:

WM:  We’re sent on our way and told to direct further questions to someone else who isn’t in the building at the time.

ST: The HR person answers any questions and helps fill out the proper forms.

So there it is, from Wally World to the Corporate world, its mainly the same.  A bit more polished, but the exact same thing. Now, just because its more polished, doesn’t mean its any less stupid.  Au contraire!

During the Powerpoint presentation, one slide stated the year they opened up an Arizona office.  To the side of this statement was a picture of a state.  Which state?  Missouri.

I’ll give you a moment to let that sink in.

I call the presentor on it, “Excuse me, I can’t help but notice, but is that Missouri?”  She is silent for a few seconds, then says, “I’ve been giving this presentation for seven years, and you’re the first person to notice that.”

I’m not sure whether I’m pleased at myself, or mournful of the hundreds of people who either didn’t realize or ignored the mistake.

So then, we watch a tape, two tapes.  The first is, “The Diversity Diner.”

I’ll let you dwell on that a moment.

Picture the corniest after school special imaginable.  Complete with all-too-happy people who enunciate way too clearly.  Now, set it in a diner.  A bunch of people talking about diversity.  And, get this, actually justifying HR surveys with questions like “If you were a tree, what tree would you be?”  Yes, this is an actual quote.

The second was a stock film about sexual harrasment.  Shot in this bizarre talk show format.  Which, in very nice words, declared, “You may not mean it, but there’s a lot of stupid people out there, so be careful.  Because a jury will believe them, not you.”

Here’s the actual quote: “Remember, its not the intent of the accused that is evaluated in court, but rather the perception of the accusor.”

Wow.

There was actually a section on how if you hug a co-worker who likes to be hugged, a third-party may feel uncomfortable and file a harrassment charge.  Am I being overly insensitive when I think that’s going just a tad too far?

Ahh, corporate films, good stuff.  Well, that’s all for me.

Zel-kun out.