Zel-kun’s Words

When I was working in retail, I owned a PDA. More specifically, I owned an HP iPAQ. For those who don’t know, the Pocket PC is one of the most versatile and easy to use devices I’ve ever owned. It runs on a pocket Windows OS, and has pocket versions of Word, Excel, and Outlook. The files could, of course, be transferred from PDA to PC very easily. And with a console emulator, Nevo, and iSilo, it has proven very entertaining.

Now, what does this have to do with retail?

When I worked at Wal-Mart, I was surrounded by stupid people, and invariably, stupid methods of doing things. Specifically, I always had to deal with two problems. Two problems which I could solve with my little PDA.

1. Every single time a customer wanted a large device (computer, television, etc), an associate would have to go in the back, look around, and see if it was in stock. This took about 5-10 minutes on average, because the stockroom was arranged by retards. *ahem* Sorry, managers. Same difference. This also held true if the customer wanted to know the dimesnsions of a television or the specs of a computer. I would guess at least a couple hours a day were wasted on such stupidity.

The solution: Use Excel to create a spreadsheet of prices, dimensions, specs, and stock, and spend 10 min at the beginning of each day updating it.

2. There are some thirty televisions in the department as displays. Only two channels come in, a music preview channel and a movie preview channel. The problem being that every dipstick that passes the display hits the channel button. In a couple hours, half the televisions have no picture, and the wonderful sound of snow fills the department.

The solution: Use my PDA’s Nevo program, a program to send encoded infrared signals (basically, a uiniversal remote program). Because the remotes for the televisions vanish after the first day, I acessed the menu and locked out every channel but the two that came in.

There you have it. Simple, no? I used my ingenuity to solve to prevelant problems in the department. Obviously, one’s individual effort is merited, right? If you believe this, you fail to grasp one very important fact: At Wal-Mart, I was adrift in a sea of idiocy. I was holding a small electronic device, so obviously, it was a gameboy, and my co-workers complained. I was called into the manager’s office and spoken to. I, of course, showed him the spreadsheets I created and explained my actions. I was dismissed without a thank you or even an apology. One would think it was over then… but no. Stupidity is persistant. As I’ve said before, its thick and viscous, and nearly impossible to get off once you find yourself immersed in it.

A week later, the tubes on one of the televisions blows out. The picutre is black, the television is broken. A logical man would look at the television and say, “Well, looks like the stress of being constantly on for a year blew the tube out.” Sadly, logic is a rare luxury at Wal-Mart.

The department retard… manager sorry. Came up to me and said one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. “We’re going to replace the television, don’t PDA the televisions, we don’t want them breaking.”

What? I’m sorry, even in my memory, I still doubt that I heard that. Such lunacy can’t actually exist, can it? We didn’t give a driver’s license and control of an electronics department to this woman, did we? I’ll even forget that she used ‘PDA’ as a verb. But somehow, I used my little magic device to blow up a television.

Now, you’d think it ended there, wouldn’t you? Oh no. I am then called into the manager’s office, and sat down. “So why did you break the television?” I should really have seen that coming, but I didn’t. My mind reeled, trying to grasp something, anything, sane in that statement. Of course, there was no sanity in the room, I was looked at with all the fairness given to defendents in the Salem and McCarthy trials. I could only explain what I had done, and it fell on deaf ears.

“You’re not working out in electronics, we’re going to put you in as a cashier.” Now, I’d like everyone to think on this statement a moment. Let it drill into your heads, let it echo in your consiousness. To further compound this, I’d like to give you the electronics roster as of that moment.

Mike - A complete dimwit. This isn’t uncommon except for he thinks he knows everything. I had to stop him from piggy-backing surge protectors on a number of occasions. For those who don’t know, this would have cause shorts and fires.

John - A wheelchair-bound… person. I have nothing against handicapped people, nothing. But he can’t reach many shelves or the register, he can’t lift anything, and he doesn’t know anything about electronics. So, basically, he fails at every aspect of the job.

April - Meh. Your average Wal-Mart drone. Been there for years, has a laugh that makes your stomach curdle. Refuses to lift anything at all, and knows nothing about electronics.

The Big H - I have no complaints about this guy, he belonged in the department as much as I did. Doesn’t know a whole lot about electronics, but is a freaking library of music. Which has proven very useful on a number of occasions. Also, he’s willing to lift and help with anything.

Nate - Knows next to nothing, and refuses to lift anything. Thinks there’s no difference between mono and hi-fi VCR’s.

Lucy the Manager - Doesn’t even know the difference between gaming consoles. Can’t grasp that PS2 games don’t work on the X-box, and has astounded me with stupid things she has said.

There you have it. Obviously, if only one person knows the specifics of the merchandise, he is the one that’s wrong. I still remember the look on Pete’s face when I told him. It was a look of astoundment, as he had just heard the dumbest thing ever. And working at Wal-Mart, that says a lot.

More tales to come, be assured.

Zel-kun out.

Yep, seven days left here at the office. I’ve been slowly removing my personal effects from the cubicle. I’ve been ignoring paperwork that could wait a few weeks. I have been generally taking it easy around here, no need to get stressed out, not that I ever have been stressed here (annoyed occasionally at Sam, but never really stressed).

I’ve never thought of myself as a fantastic worker. I do my job, and do it well enough. I don’t make any special effort to work harder, mainly because I don’t care about this job, it was just something interim until a good job came along (and we saw how well that worked). I generally do actual work for about three to four hours out of a seven hour day. I surf and muse and write, usually more than I work. But something kinda creeps me out…

The Numbers

The numbers come in every few weeks, detailing just how many issues myself and the rest in IT Services here have resolved. Every time? I’m first. And this doesn’t even count the numerous email issues I get extra special because I work the software end as well (the others work mainly in hardware distribution). It kinda makes me wonder how hard the average person in the average office works.

I know that if I applied myself, I could beat the pants off the others, but I’m not stupid enough to do that. I wouldn’t get a raise or promotion or anything, my boss might get that, you know what I’d get? More work.

But anyhow, if that isn’t the kicker, when I told the company that I was leaving, they sat me down and offered me a job (I’m a consultant, working on a temporary basis). I am told that I have been “a fantastic worker” and want me to stay. All I can say is ‘wow.’ Of course, I turned down their offer, this type of work is not my cup of tea. Ultimately, my job here is that of a drone, its just sorting and filing, in a more modern way. This job easily has the ability to drive my crazy after a few years. Maybe not in the same way retail had the ability, but its still there.

So, I’m glad I’m leaving the land of cubicles. I hold no real animosity towards it, just too boring and too bureacratic. I can’t change any settings on my comp, or download anything, this drives me up the wall. Soon I’ll have the excitement and freedom I seek, in just seven more working days

Well, I just got back from the new office, where I was given the grand tour of the facility. I must say, I was impressed. Its quite a complex operation. Even the building itself was labyrinthian in design. Software support, implementation, hardware distribution and repair. They have a whole warehouse full of parts just waiting to be used, and a whole staff dedicated to delivering and installing them. A multitude of development and staging rooms, not to mention servers sitting right on the backbone. The biggest technology company I’ve been a part of consisted of ten employees, so this company pretty much floored me. Which was good, because from the outside it seems like a tiny office building. I didn’t want to go through another situation of being laid off as a tiny company folded in on itself.

So, I liked what I saw, and they made me an offer. I am currently holding an official-looking document, and I must say, I’m pleased with what I see.

Here’s a summary:

35% pay increse from what I’m making now
Health, Dental, and Optical insurance (w00t)
401(k) plan

And an additonal 10% raise upon the completion of my MCP certification. Which, incidentely, is paid for, books and all, by Sentinel.

I must say, in a very Mr. Burns-ish voice, “I grudgingly accept.”

I need to call their HR person to hammer out the tiny details and then I can submit my resignation. I have one very exciting thing to say about that…

So long, cubicle heads!

I know, I’m sure you’re getting tired of me thrusting my good fortune in your faces, I promise my next post will be about something awful.

Zel-kun out.

Well, I met with them. They seem like decent people. Its a consulting firm not entirely unlike the one I’m currently with. There IS, however, one major difference.

Once a customer contracts my services, I am hired by them full-time. This means after a project ends, I still get paid. This also means I am salaried, with benefits, insurance, and vacation. As opposed to now, where I’m hourly, without ANY benefits, and am subject to the whim of available contracts.

After meeting with them, I then had to meet with the customer. This was the final stretch, if I looked good here, I was in. The customer is this fitness club of sorts, owns gyms and the like. I don’t know if you’ve been in a new gym recently (I have for a network setup a couple of times), but let me tell you, cutting-edge technology abounds. Plasma televisions, brand new computers, rack-mount servers as freaking workstations. Where exists technology, so too exist people to keep it running. That’s where I (hopefully) come in.

So I drive fifteen miles out to their office. From home, my total commute would be about twenty-five miles (I drove form work this day). Its on US Rte 30, which is funny considering a few of my friends and my father live about fifty miles down that same road. This is also funny being as the Land of the Cursed Blue Vests is also down this same road.

The building was short and unmarked, although it had a very nice archetecture, a building that had about ten times as many corners as it should. How did I find it if it was unmarked? I was told to look for one feature. A moat. That’s right, a moat. The building is encircled by a moat of water, with a nice wooden bridge crossing to the front door. I wasn’t sure whether to be impressed or scared.

I then met with Judah, my interviewer. Judah is a year older than me, and dressed in jeans an a t-shirt. For those not in the know, this is a GOOD sign. He led me into the office the IT people worked in. I met two others, a programmer and a technical support specialist. Both wearing jeans and t-shirts. I knew right away what was going on, I was about to be interviewed by three nerds my age. This… is another good sign.

So, I spend an hour talking to the three. About the various aspects of the job, of my experience, and of how their company is run. We also talk about the LAN party they have Friday night, and what video games I like. Yeah… another good sign.

So today I am contacted by Sentinel. It seems they want to offer me a contract, and I’m going there tomorrow for lunch. It looks like I’m going to have myself a new job, providing the benefits package and salary meet my standards. Granted, they aren’t all that high sat this point, but I still have them.

The Details:

I will be mainly providing end-user support. Mostly over the phone and through remote desktop. Although some travelling to the users will be required. Both to troubleshoot and for occasional preventative maintenence.

I’m ‘on the clock’ from 9:30-5:00. The lunch is paid, like all good salaried jobs. But I can start getting tickets at 6:30am. These tickets I can take care of from home on the “awesome” (this is a quote) laptop they’ll give me. Commonly one or two tickets before work.

Some weekends I’ll be on call. Solving some tickets that arise. I’m told about five tickets per day. Comnversely, I’ll get one full three day weekend (Fri, Sat, Sun) completely off without being on call per month.

I get a cell phone and a blackberry to carry around with me, as well as a laptop (see above). I like gadgets, so this sat well with me.

I get unlimited free cell phone and internet service. Again, this sits well with me.

I get free lunch three days a week. Again, sits well with me this does.

I get to work among nerds. This sits very well with me. The stuffed-shirts in my current office are driving me batty.

All in all, I think I’ll really like it. Here’s hoping the contract negotiation goes well, then just maybe this endless week of nervous anticipation will come to an end.

I need to get home and kill some stuff in Warcraft… that’ll ease the tension.

Zel-kun out.

This will be one of my shortest posts, and I apologize for that. As you know, I currently work in an office, sitting in a cubicle, staring at a computer screen, and mucking through electronic paperwork (oxymoron, anyone?).

Today I received a call. There’s a company called Sentinel Technologies that has a PC Tech job opening up. I don’t know the details, but its apparently a lot more money, and it a more technology-based position. My interview is at 2:00. I don’t foresee getting any work done before then. I am equally anxious and excited.

Wish me luck, kind folks.

Zel-kun out.

I am suddenly reminded of a very special moment when I worked at Wal-Mart, the place I commonly refer to as ‘The Cursed Land of Blue Vests.” And I say this with more heartfelt meaning than I say a lot of things. Wal-Mart is a cursed place, where damned souls wander aimlessly. I have talked with many of the ‘associates’ there (that’s what they’re called, associates), and fully half of them have a tale of woe that leaves them devastated and wearing the blue vest of shame. People that owned their own businesses, laid off mill workers (it may not seem glamorous, but mill workers make some nice dough), and still others that found themselves on the wrong end of a lawsuit and lost everything.

Ironically enough, I’ve met some of my best friends while working there. Comraderie through shared misery, I suppose. It was also easy to make friends, because the people I wanted to associate with stuck out like sore thumbs. Wal-Mart is a bastion of ignorance, an intelligent person is extremely obvious.

This story is about a particular conversation with the Big H.

Bit of background on the Big H:

The Big H’s real name is John. But that’s my name, with an H added. So I started calling him the Big H, or H for short. H loves music, all music. He is an encyclopedia of music. If you name a song, he’ll tell you the band, the year it was made, and the album it premiered on. He’s also a very strange sort with an even stranger sense of humor. Naturally, we got along just fine.

I was connecting a television in electronics (which is where I worked), which meant I had my arm wedged behind an immovable plastic barrier, feeling around for the coaxial cable, power cable, and outlet. I was about ten feet in the air on a ladder, with my head behind the television. Usually, when I’m in the air, I have another associate on the ground, not really to hold the ladder, but to field questions. It doesn’t matter how high you are, or how occupied you may be, a customer will call out to you or tap you on the shoulder. Today, I had H at the bottom of the ladder.

I was fumbling around with the power cable, feeling around for the outlet that I knew was there. My arm twisted the wrong way and I dropped the cable. “Ah,” I said in irritation.

“You okay up there, didn’t get electrocuted, did you?” H asks.

“No, no. You’d know when I’m electrocuted. I’d probably say the same thing, but it’d be slightly more panicked and definitely louder.” It was at this moment that I found the power cable again, and unfortunately for me, one of the contacts found the outlet. Obviously, it was the contact my finger touched, sending a brief jolt of electricity through me in the instant is took me to remove my finger, “Ah!” I exclaimed.

“You mean like that?” He asks, feigning curiosity.

“Yes… like that,” I muttered.

It took at least ten minutes to get H to stop laughing.

Fun times.

Zel-kun out.

Happy New Year’s to all.

I’ve always found New Year’s to be an interesting time. To this day, the fascination with a number turning on the calender engrosses millions of people. Some see it as a time to start over, to begin anew with a clean slate. Some people even wait to this day to improve themselves, forging ‘resolutions.’ It is a shame so few actually hold to their resolutions. If we just had one resolution to better ourselves, once a year, and we kept it, think of how much better we, as human beings, could be. “I resolve to quite smoking, I resolve to read more, I resolve to pursue my dream of accomplishing something.” My advice is, make a resolution right now, as you read this, on the 3rd of January. Make it, and keep it. In fact, feel free to post your resolution in the comments.

My Resolution:

I resolve to finish ‘The One Who Waits,’ (book I’m working on) and pick up another old project I dropped.

Also, don’t wait until New Years to pursue a new resolution. If you accomplish one, set a new goal for yourself. My biggest complaint about people is they become stagnant, that after a certain point in their lives (usually as a teenager), they stop learning, they stop trying to better themselves.

Okay, enough with the lecture, I’m getting off my soapbox now.

Its funny that I am truly beginning this year with different eyes than I greeted last year with, for the simplest reason imaginable, I finally got a new pair of eyeglasses a couple days ago. After 4 years of the same prescription, I can see clearly again.

I am still playing Soul Calibur III, and I am still getting my butt thoroughly kicked by the AI. Its fun, in a maddening sort of way. The AI is good, I mean, really good. It doesn’t just throw everything it has at you and block everything else, I’m used to that. No, it reacts to your moves. It watches you and pulls the best counter for whatever move you do. It waits for the opening to strike, and being as it knows every single move and doesn’t need to know complex button-presses, there’s a LOT of openings. One day I will beat the game… but I doubt that day is today, I still have yet to even play half the characters available. But I will say again, for any hardcore fighting gamer, pick it up, you won’t be disappointed. For casual players (like me), prepare for pure misery. And yet, I keep playing… I guess I like pain.

Zel-kun out.